Corona Chronicles Part 1.. The Key in a Lock Down..

Day 1 : 
I distinctly remember this day because the MP from Wayanad had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age.

The day starts with the missus cajoling me into making lock down resolutions. Done - why should only new year resolutions be broken!


Someone in my whatsapp contacts has received a message directly from Russia about lions being left free on the roads to force people to stay at home. No one would even think about spreading these rumours about China, as the lion would eventually end up being eaten. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this message to 10 lions to become the king of the jungle.

Suggested Viewing: This video by Abhineet on racism against people of the North East in the times of Corona.

The day ends with a group chat in Hangout with college friends. It was wonderful. There were 9 participants who were divided by geographies and timezones, but united by the belief that liquor should come under essential items.

Day 2 :
I distinctly remember this day because the Gandhi scion had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age.

The missus and I still haven’t fought yet. Something’s gotta give soon. I can feel the eyes of Sauron fixated on me, waiting for me to make a wrong move.

Someone in my whatsapp contacts has received a message directly from the CM’s office about some drastic measures being taken in relation to the lockdown. Wish the CM had time to take drastic measures on how to tackle rumours. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this message to 15 MLAs to become CM of your state for one day.

Suggested viewing: This video by Vipul Goyal on what needs to be done with China.

We played housie over whatsapp and Hangout with the family. There was no mechanism in place to check if the numbers being called out by the ‘winners’ were actually in his card. Hehe, I had won.

Day 3 :

I distinctly remember this day because a former MP from Amethi had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age. 

My emails tell me that so many companies/NGOs I have no effing idea about are standing in solidarity with me during these tough times. Ok, means a lot. Marked all as spam. 

Someone in my whatsapp contacts has received a message directly from a doctor that the actual number of cases in India is being hidden. The doctors have decided to self-isolate themselves from whatsapp. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this message to 32 people and get a free dental check-up. 

Missus is reading a book on Law of Attraction which says that if you strongly believe something to be happening, it will happen. Made a curry with Soyabari and Potato, believing them to be chicken in all earnestness and hoping it would taste like chicken. Well let’s just say it is a good book otherwise. 

Had lengthy discussions first with Vivek, and then with Poonam and  Tanushree on different investment strategies we can adopt in these uncertain times. Even I contributed with my punditry with the is/was/will be of the investment world. The missus then plainly pointed out that I don’t actually have spare money to invest.

Day 4 : 

I distinctly remember this day because the former INC president had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age. 

Videos surface of people being beaten up by the police. The missus enquires if any of them are from my locality. I’m a little scared as to the motive of her enquiry. Checked the fridge - we’re stocked up for a few days. Some temporary relief. 

Someone in my whatsapp contacts has received a message directly from a relative who had borne a baby girl, who turned into Durga and prescribed a remedy to tackle the Corona. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this message to nine people and grow an extra hand this Navratri (Bachelors or people currently separated from their wives due to this lockdown: no, I did not mean for that).

Suggested viewing: This wonderful ‘poem’ on staying at home.

Caught up on a couple of good movies (Ford vs Ferrari and Knives Out). Another online housie with another family group. This time tickets were being checked, and I did not win.

Day 5 : 

I distinctly remember this day because the youth icon from Congress had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age.

It’s Sunday today, no office. Lol. Tears. Lol.

Very disturbing news about the crowding of migrant population in Delhi. The ramifications are scary. Hope the authorities can stop their blame game and may better sense prevail.

Talking about better sense, it’s been over 100 hours and the missus and I still haven’t fought yet. The eye of Sauron is getting impatient with each passing hour. The Fellowship of the Ring has decided to meet on video calls, to social distance themselves. Good reviews for Zoom, but the free model has limitations, so Gandalf suggests that they choose Hangout instead. Someone in my whatsapp contact has received a message from Frodo that Samwise was actually a Chinese and has eaten Golum. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this to the whole of Middle Earth else you will turn into an ogre. 

Suggested Viewing: This video by TVFPlay on the importance of staying at home.

Meanwhile, in news totally unrelated to fights with the missus, the Mahabharat is being aired on National Television. Also saw ‘Theory of Everything’ today. Or was it yesterday, or the day before yesterday? Sorry to let you down Mr Hawkins, but I seem to have lost all concepts of Time.

Day 6 : 

I distinctly remember this day because an accused in the National Herald case had tweeted something stupid, and media had carried reports of how the leader has come of age.

Played Housie for the 5th consecutive day, even acted as the facilitator in one of the groups. On his retirement Sachin had said that chants of “Sachin Sachin” would forever reverberate in his ears till he stopped breathing. If I play any more Housie games, chants of “Boggie Boggie” are going to reverberate for me.

Someone in my whatsapp contacts declares that he knows for sure that the lockdown will definitely extend for more than 21 days (perhaps heard directly from the Terminator travelling back in time from the future). Wonder if the makers of Terminator would want to make a movie on someone travelling back in time, failing to have factored in a lockdown, only to find the streets empty, and getting ‘dandas’ from the police. Gullible people in my whatsapp contacts, please forward this message to 21 people and the producers of Terminator will be giving you royalty from their next movie. Go on, Skynet is the limit.

By the way, how would you have reacted if 2 years ago someone had approached you saying he is from the future and that a virus had impacted the whole planet. He would have narrated that half the planet has locked down, and the human race faces extinction; industries were shut, share markets went crashing and the roads wore a deserted look; world leaders and health experts were urging people to stay at home to limit its spread. He would have given you a vial which contained a prototype of the vaccine and asked you to get it mass produced and ensure it is administered to every living individual, to prevent such a scenario.

He would have sounded stupid, right? Which brings me to my epiphany - what if Shri Rahul Gandhi is not stupid - only ahead of his times. You have the rest of the lockdown to brood over this thought. Stay safe.

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The day I met Gunjan

Well, the missus always complains that I hardly write anything about her on my blogs. So thought would dedicate a whole post to her. And what better way to start than writing about the day when I first met her.

***

She peeped from behind the pillar. She looked nervous. She couldn’t decide if she should walk down from the stairs into the ballroom hall. She wasn’t even sure if she belonged there. She had no idea that a few moments later she would be making the entire gathering nervous and handing them a sense of un-belongingness. She fully emerged from behind the pillars. Parvati was the first to notice, and immediately announced, “She looks beautiful”. That was the understatement of the century (succeeded by 'this time there is no Modi wave'). She could well have said 'She looks like a Goddess' and gotten away with all blasphemy charges - even in Bengal.

She started her walk down the stairs hesitantly, the nerves slowly giving way to a smile. Her hair was elegantly done in a knot, with some strands deliberately skipped to be left hanging by her left cheek. The skipping of some of my heart beats was not deliberate though. The robe, perhaps chiffon, exhibited various shades of pink and purple. The other shades that made a rainbow had ceased to become relevant at that moment. The black belt at her hips perfectly showed off her hour-glass figure. But for me, no sand was flowing through any hour-glass - time had completely frozen. The ruffles and frills completed her dress, even as giant waves of hypnotism swept me off the floor.

She took another step and her face was clearer now. There was a hint of lipstick on those perfect lips of hers. Diamond ear rings gleamed, but looked pale in comparison to the sparkle in her eyes. The smile grew more confident, and more mesmerizing. She knew she owned the place now, as she reached the final step.

My phone beeped, so I paused ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, even as a hint of blush took over Hermione/Emma Watson's stunning face.

Gunjan had agreed for our first date. We met at Bombay Bites that evening (In totally unrelated news, the place has now closed down). We ordered chocolate muffins, cheese chilli toast and coffee.

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The pact, and the impact!!!

It was early December 2018. Poonam and I were discussing about the monotony in our lives and how we needed a dramatic pact like the one in ZNMD bull-fighting scene do egg us on to do something different. Since Spain is not on top of either of our holiday lists, we decided to base it on something else (the fact that both of us lack the courage to even go near a bull also contributed, but let’s not get into the specifics please). We decided that I will write a blog again, and Poonam will compose another song if India were to win the test series against Australia. We joked that I could blog about his song, and he could compose a song on my blog, but that would have posed a Catch 22 situation which had the potential to make Joseph Heller turn in his graves. So I decided to base my blog on its catalyst – India’s series victory.

“India have won a test series in Australia.” The words are special. Ask any cricket fan that. Ask anyone of my generation who’ve put in many an alarms for early mornings hoping for magic, only to be disappointed each time - until now. 

The 1991-92 tour or the 0-4 scoreline invoke no memories within me. But recordings of that Sachin hundred (and the awe expressed by the commentators) in Perth are nothing short of pornography.

In 1999-2000, after desert storm and Warnie’s nighmares, Sachin was made captain. As a romantic falling in love with cricket every day, I knew we had a chance. I was wrong. We came back 0-3 with Agarkar’s five ducks and a scoreboard which read Sachin lbw McGrath to a ball which hit his shoulders. 

2003-2004 saw Dada at the helm. I had my class XII exams in a few months and studies gave me the perfect pretext to wake up early. There were talks of ‘chin music’, but Dada was not one to take a backward step. A century by him in the drawn test at the Gabba spurned India to go one-up in Adelaide - thanks to a Dravid masterclass. The imagery of Dravid kissing his India cap after hitting the winning runs off McGill is something which I uphold whenever I have doubts about the world, and all seems well again.  After being 278-1 for in Melbourne I was convinced that this would be the series. I was wrong. We had to come back content with 1-1.

2007-2008 saw Jumbo take the reins and me in the final year of college. With a good depth in bowling and batting, I thought this was going to be it. I was wrong. Steve Bucknor had other plans. Another Sachin century at Sydney, but another series defeat. The vengeance at Perth after all ugly talks did taste sweet though. 1-2 is how it ended.

2011-12 came. World Champions India were touring an Aussie side caught in transition.  Sachin’s 100^th ton was in sight. Surely a fairy tale ending to his career was being scripted. I was wrong. We came back 0-4.

2014-15 saw Dhoni retire mid-series to give the mantle to Virat who had already shown the world what he was capable of. The new India (who had refused to try and chase 87 runs in 15 overs in the West Indies a few months ago) were attempting to chase 360+ at about 4 an over in Adelaide. Virat had scored his second century of the test, and I was supposed to take my bestie and his charming new bride to Cherrapunjee. I ditched them, knowing that history beckoned. I was wrong. India lost the test, and the next, and we came back 0-2. 

2018-19 arrived. I knew we had a chance against a depleted Aussie side. The Indian team had been checking the correct boxes. It was all déjà vu, and maybe I had moved on from cricket - life had happened. What if Pakistan was to finally win in a World Cup match against India and the Mauka guy no longer wanted to burst the crackers as his priorities had changed! I thought I would remain somewhat indifferent to the result.

I was wrong. Again.

The morning alarms were out again. Opened Cricinfo app became a regular feature in my office desk. I never missed the highlights session in the evenings. The proverbial crackers were well and truly burst.

One infograhic that will stick is how the ‘Indian Pace Troika’ comprising of Bumrah, Ishant and Shami broke the record for highest number of wickets in a calendar year. It does not matter that they broke the record held by Holding, Marshal and Garner; what matters is the words ‘Indian Pace Troika’. Say the words slowly, and let them sink in – Indian... Pace... Troika... Having been a keen student of the game for the good part of the past two and a half decades, I’ve seen Indian batsmen dictate terms and intimidate bowlers; I’ve seen Indian spinners spin a web around the opposition; heck -  I’ve even seen Agarkar score a century in Lords. I’ve been witness to some great spells of fast bowling – Srinath at Nagpur, Pathan at Karachi, Sreesanth at Jo’burg, Ishant at Perth, but never did I think that I would live to see a day when the words ‘Indian Pace Troika’ would be said in unison, in one sentence, in one breath.

Shaw injured? No problem. Ashwin injured? We had Sir and Kuldeep. Openers in bad form? Dude, we still got Mayank. First choice keeper not fit? Let’s see if Pant gets time out from babysitting. Pujara and Kohli batted, like they had to - it was almost as it in their contracts. Catches stuck. All the pieces fell into place. India won the series. 2-1 – a scoreline the Aussies will probably confess themselves lucky to have come out of.

Virat confessed yesterday that the 2011 World Cup Victory had not meant as much to him at that time because he did not know what failure was like, and how two series defeats in Australia added more context to his current feelings. As a viewer too, the many defeats in the past and the coatings of anticipation sure make this special.

As we celebrate and cherish India’s upmanship Down Under, I’ll end with the magical and soothing words – Indian Pace Troika.

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Random Announcement

Well, I’m married.

The missus has even put it on FaceBook, so no escaping now.

So, the last month saw an overtly expensive event with its scandalous after-parties, needless dances and fireworks, and its share of controversies. But my missus doesn’t like cricket so I should stop talking about the IPL.

My marriage event was grand, and like a dream. Thanks a lot to all the people who were responsible for making it so. I mean it. Really! Wish I could have been more expressive in this regard in real. And thanks to all the people who could be a part of it (including Gunjan who, for some reasons, agreed to participate as the bride). For those who couldn’t attend – next time I am not listening to any excuses, okay?

Those of you who have read my posts here and in other platforms would know that I am a big fan of Ayn Rand, and like using her quotes whenever I can. I’ll end this post with one of her most famous ones:

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another person, nor ask another person to live for mine.”

Only this time, I will disagree with her.

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Just another day in MNIT..

Any day between July 2004 and May 2008, MNIT Jaipur:
The alarm rings - drat, a lecture at 8!

I get up cursing for having slept so late the previous night; last time, I assure myself. Attempts to wake Vaibhav up are futile. He murmurs something in his sleep and doesn’t budge. I curse him and drag myself to the toilet - it’s all dirty - shit has happened. Curses fly again. Somehow manage to get through the chores.

Wake Vaibhav up again. He shows some sign of life this time. Last time, I am waking him up. There is no water - jugaado from another bathroom. Take quick bath. Rush to mess. Pick up bread and banana and walk to lecture room.

Attendance over and Manish has escaped. Machcha diya saale ne. Sid walks in, late as usual. Surely he won’t be allowed now. He is. But surely he won’t be given attendance. He is. Paro and Ketan not in class, it’s going to be a boring hour. Sound of an unmistakeable shrill laughter wakes you up. It is Divya’s. An hour has passed. Time flies.

Rush to the canteen. Jainy owes me 4 bucks, I have 6 of my own – can afford a cold drink. Gargu comes and orders tea for himself – costs him only 2 Rs. Smart guy. But then he ends up having 5 cups.

Next lecture is only at 12 followed by lunch. Calls for a mass bunk. No consensus. Day-schis madar. This is the last time such a proposal is even being tabled to them.

Sit in canteen. Mech batch arrives. Together they tell the latest hits of Anna. Mech batch leaves.
Shantanu arrives. Alone he tells the hits of the entire Civil Branch. Shantanu leaves.
‘Tronics batch arrives. More hits. Anshat, Sipani and Rohit all have different versions. ‘Tronics batch leaves.

Sit with Poonam, Amaresh, Dixit and Harsh among others. Discussions about our project mentor or CAT classes. Then get down to singing and banging the canteen tables. Cheap songs beget dirty looks. Full Mahual.

It’s noon already. Time flies. Vaibhav, Manish and I exchange looks. No words uttered but the question is clear - to go or not to go? Jainy announces he will attend classes. One for all and all for one - we all go. Day-schi madar. But this is the last time we are listening to him.

Go to lecture room. At least this one’s air conditioned. Darn, AC not working. Prof comes late. Spend time texting the girls. Free SMS was the greatest invention for us, students, second to micro-Xerox. Prof leaves late. No time to go to hostel now for lunch. Canteen, it is.

Abhishek joins in. Talks about IT lecturers and algorithms on. Abhishek listens. Abhishek leaves. Time for the lab. Assignments are not done. The good thing is no one else has done it. We pledge that this is the last time we are leaving our assignments incomplete. Some excuse conjured. Rush to the lab. Wow, as many as three computers have booted successfully today. Choms occupy it. No quarters given, none asked for. Two hours have passed. Time flies. Guest faculties are fun.

Mandatory visit to the canteen. It is 5 pm. Jainy says he wants to leave for home. We drag him to the hostel. Everyone has arrived back. Even Amit has woken up by now. Stories of the day exchanged. Full Mahaul.

Time for Sony Bakery. Arrange bikes. Eat patties or footlong. Eat puchkas. Go to Satkar Juice Centre. Drink pineapple juice. Someone says he is bored of the same routine/diet/place. The last time, we assure ourselves.

It is 8 pm. Jainy says he wants to leave for home. We drag him to the hostel. Some movie to be seen. We are open to the genre. Arjun (name changed) has some new ‘stuff’. Should we go to the nearby hostel and get it or should we watch ‘Forbidden’ again? Renee Rea, I tell you. First major decision we have had to make all day. We pass. We watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. instead.

It is 11 pm. Time flies. We are hungry. Jainy says he wants to leave for home. We drag him to the Thadi. Patel, Saras, Alloy and the gang are there. Gossips are exchanged. Rumours take birth. OP brings maggi and omelet. People keep pouring in. Someone comes because he has no money and wants a loan, while someone else comes because he is in a mood to treat. Someone has come because he is happy, while another has come because he is sad. Some came because they had passed, while some others came because they had got a back. More gossip exchanged. More rumour borne. OP brings more maggi and omelet. Full Mahaul.

It is 2 am. Time flies. Our assignments are still pending. We look at each other. Where is Vaibhav? On the phone with his gal. A quick call to Shruti is made. Jugaad arranged. This is the last time, we assure ourselves. Jainy finally gets to leave for home. Day-schi madar.

We reach hostel. Discussions about class timing the next day. Abhishek asks that dreaded question, "Ab kya?". That dreaded smile by Vaibhav. Manish gives that dreaded nod. A deck of cards makes its way out. 29, it is. Game on.

It is 4 am. Time flies. We go to sleep cursing because we would have to get up early again; We promise ourselves that this was the last time.

***

Sometimes, it just looks like yesterday. Time flies.

Nagme hain, shikwe hain, kisse hain, baatein hain. Baatein bhool jaati hain; Yaadein yaad aati hain.

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