Still infuriated by Dravid’s omission from Team
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction but co-incidences are possible. Although we’ll never know, any resemblance to actual happenings cannot be ruled out.
Srikkanth: “Ok gentlemen, we have gathered here to select the Indian team for the first two ODIs against
Yashpal: But I saw someone's Facebook status message saying that
All in chourus: What! (Everyone is shocked and dismayed)
Raja: Then I think we have to make a big change somewhere. This is how it generally works. When things are not working, change it.
Bhave: Yeah you’re right. How about changing the captain?
Srikkanth: (immediately feeling his right cheek with his palm) Er.. Er.. I don’t think so. He has been doing a good job for
Hirwani: Hmm… Then I think we can sack the coach, Kirsten.
Raja: I doubt that is an option. His contract does not expire until March 2010.
Bhave: We have to do something. We can give the boot to Venky and Robin.
Yashpal: But it may not go down with the players so well.
Bhave: Oh. I didn’t know the players were that close to them.
Yashpal: No, no. It’s not that. What I meant was who will serve them coffee and snacks.
Raja: That can be taken care of. The manager can double up. As it is he never does anything. My only concern is who will notify the two.
Srikkanth: (frowns with surprise) why do we have to tell them? The media can do that. Hey guys, lets start some sort of a trend. Countries have separate teams for tests and ODIs, let us have separate teams for home and away matches. It'll be fun. Something new.
(Everyone looks up and are delighted with the idea. This was their chance of being pioneers, and scripting their names in the pages of history.)
Srikkanth: Listen, I am in no mood to go with someone with a nickname Jamie, when I am sitting here, deprived of lunch.
Bhave: But with what pretext should we drop him?
Raja: We can tell the people that he is old.
Yashpal: But he shows no signs of ageing. Shouldn’t form and fitness be the criteria?
Srikkanth: Not when you’re hungry. Common guys we can’t be wasting so much time.
Hirwani: Ok. Let’s pick Ravindra Jadeja.
Raja: Jadeja! But there were reports that it was because of him that
Hirwani: Hmm.. But Shane Warne thinks he is the future of
Bhave: But Warne also told the same thing about Yusuf Pathan as well. So are we picking him too?
Yashpal: Hey common, Warnie cannot be right each time. He maintains that he likes baked beans. But they have always given me stomach upsets.
Raja: Yeah right. I fart a lot too whenever I have baked beans. Makes me wonder how he handles all the women after he has eaten baked beans!
Srikkanth: Well guys, we just found out, why, at times, he restricts himself to phone sex!
Bhave: Hmmm.. Moving on, should we pick Virat Kohli?
Hirwani: Yes, yes. He always reminds me of my childhood days.
Yashpal: Why? Were you thin during your childhood days?
Hirwani: No. My mother used to cook in Virat pressure cookers when I was a child.
Srikkanth: We should give this youngster named Sudeep Tyagi a chance. He is also in the Chennai Super Kings team.
Raja: Yeah. You must have observed him closely then.
Srikkanth: Not exactly. But Srinivasan is a shrewd fellow. He would never have him in the team if Tyagi were not good.
Bhave: What about Sreesanth. Do we give him another chance?
Raja: He’ll be fined a lot of times so that’ll save the board a lot of money. Moreover, when he was last slapped, he skipped dinner. He'll be an asset in times of recession.
Srikkanth: The board will not share the money with us. And why should we be concerned with anybody’s dinner when we are starving here for want of lunch. He is not selected. And perhaps, we could be getting the Nobel Peace Prize next year for keeping him out of the team.
Bhave: Does anyone realize it has been 15 mins since we came here.
Srikkanth: Yeah. Enough is enough. We will each write a random syllable in a piece of paper and assemble it to form names. We will then select those players. As it is too many cooks spoil the broth. Let us not waste anymore time and proceed for lunch. We sure have earned our bread and butter today.
And the rest - as they say - is history.