Milte hi jisne Uma tha mujhko...

This is a true story.

I had just come out from a two-hour session in the gym. I was marveling at my six-packs when the phone rang. It was Uma again and she was begging me to meet her.

Ok fine - everything beyond this point is true.

The year was 2007 when I was a student in Jaipur. It was the year of romance and love. Err, it was also the year when Kareena and Shahid Kapoor broke up, and it was the year when Rizwanur Rahman was honour-killed by his in-laws. But it was the year when “Aap Ka Suroor - The Real Love Story” was released. So FTW.

I’ve digressed. We (the famous “Hum Baraah”) were sitting in our CAT coaching classes. We had already helped Deepak (name changed) figure out how many upward steps he needed to take if he wanted to reach a higher storey in an escalator going down, when he could have just taken the escalator going up; and were on our way to helping a dog catch a thief who for some awesome reason chose to run in strange patterns (disclaimer: no real dogs were hurt in the whole process). In short, we were developing our logical thinking skills. It was the time when the free SMS pack was unleashed on pre-paid customers. We were yet to reach an era of Idea 3G when our phones would help us forget sex, but at least free messaging helped us forget our classes.

I’ve digressed again. A sheet was circulated for us to enter our names. We had just been taught to approach a problem from all angles. So, the ideal student in me immediately flipped the page, to find other names and phone numbers there. One of the entries was Uma (name not changed for its sheer classiness and impact) (number withheld – I won’t do what the Amitabh of KBC did).

Just to show I have no hard feelings towards KBC, and also since this blog is getting a little one-sided, let me ask you a quiz question. You can leave your responses in the comments section. What sound does Uma represent most closely, when said properly with the right emphasis on certain syllables? Is it
A) A slapping sound.
B) The sound produced when bat hits ball.
C) Sound produced while kissing.
D) Sound produced when Manmohan Singh makes a speech.

Ok we have a story to complete, so getting back to it. We exchanged three SMSes (‘Wats up’, ‘Who’s this’, ‘You Forgot?’ types) and everything was going according to the ‘Hitchhiker's Guide to the Most Boring Conversations’, when she called. I could only evade her questions about my identity for a while. In most situations, the name Manish is enough to get you out of trouble, so I told her I was Manish, immediately regretting it, in case she approached the coaching institute. “Mahesh?” she asked, throwing a rope at me. “Bhatt, of course” I responded, accepting it with glee. Then she bombarded me with a series of questions, even giving me multiple options on a couple of counts (<sigh, insert another KBC joke here>).

It made me uncomfortable when she asked me if I was the same person who used to call her earlier. I had once read a story where a person makes crank calls to random people and tells them he knows their ‘secret’ (Abhay Deol style in ZNMD). Then one day he ends up calling a gangster who manages to trace him and kills him. Now, I was never the types who are sure what exactly they wanted to do with life, but ending it was never a consideration.

Then she said she wanted to meet me. Immediately Don came to my mind. “Mujhe do tarah ki ladki pasand nahi. Ek wo, jo mere pass aane mein waqt lagade, aur doosri jo bahut jaldi aa jae”. I did not tell her this, though. We hung up without having arrived at any conclusion.

I had just had a heavy dinner and was lying flat on my stomach in my hostel room. I had just burped when the phone rang. It was Uma again and she was ordering me to meet her.

Over the next twelve hours, (over SMS and phone) she repeatedly asked me to meet her. Her tone ranged from threat to order to plea. She called me again the next afternoon, asking me to meet her near McDonald’s in MI Road. I suggested alternatives. I couldn’t have allowed her to start dictating terms so early in our relationship. She didn’t listen. It was at that moment when I felt ‘the spark’ for the first time.

I told her I won’t be coming. She said she would still wait and expected me to come. My friends and I discussed the various endings that this story could possibly take. Not many were pleasant. But one of them ended with me celebrating the golden jubilee of my marriage with her, in the company of our children and grandchildren. Taking risks was another thing I was taught.

We set out well before the scheduled hour. Rohit and Manish went in one bike, while Poonam rode me in his scooty.

To be continued... [here]

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"Wall"-a-panti

Open Facebook. Check if anybody has liked the status message I had set the last time. Sigh. No one. What’s wrong everyone’s sense of humour? Or is it something with me? Shrug. Scroll down.

Anshat is now friends with 6 more people. He already has more friends than the number of tigers in India.

Somebody has uploaded a pic. Jain Aashish likes it.

Somebody has put a status message. An obligatory comment by Amol.

Sriram K and 5 other people changed their profile pic.

The lyrics of some song by Shruti (and her later complaining that no one likes or comments on her updates – which to be frank, is worrying for a girl).

Shantanu comments about Manchester United. Sangit tries to draw Patel into the conversation. ‘Well left’ by Patel.

Somebody has put a good status message or posted a link on Sachin. Like it immediately. Ahh, somebody has something nasty to say about the legend. Give it back to him. I can’t be a neutral here. Ayn Rand had said there can only be a white or a black, all shades of grey are evil.

A cool status message by someone. Click on ‘like’ asap. Scroll further down. The same message by someone else. Ahh, should I now unlike the first one? A real-life ethical dilemma, this.

Some people seriously feel for a cause and have chosen to express their anger - using bad spelling or punctuation.

Some people commenting on corruption and India’s withering democracy, while others taking democracy to a whole new level by voting for (answering) everything, from their favourite handwash to the next president of the United States.

Someone randomly decides to celebrate <insert relation here>’s week, to announce that their <copy-paste the same relation> are the best. Some people spreading <enter disease here> awareness and have devoted their status to the patients for an hour.

Some people are curious as to what a father did to his daughter. Some want to know how Osama was dead, while others just want a peep into the future to see how they’ll look at old age. Some people want to untag themselves from videos. I wonder if they will fall for this.

Close tab.

Facebook is screwed up. It is addictive. You can waste any amount of time on it. There is an urge to upload every pic, share every link you visit, or update with every thought you have. People have broken up because of facebook; people have broken up on facebook. It makes everything else appear so trivial. You rely on facebook to keep in touch with close friends; you use it to stalk someone. WTF Facebook.

Facebook is good. It helps me be in touch with so many people I would have otherwise lost touch with. It keeps me aware of things happening in their lives. It has kept me company on many a nights when I had nothing better to do. I have visited many restaurants, read many books, seen many movies only because of facebook. Facebook FTW.

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We're World Champions, bitch!!!

Exactly a year ago, I shared a concern on Facebook. Well, the answer turned out to be an emphatic yes. Sachin did descend at Wankade, and although it wasn’t him who set the stage on fire today, he did have his moment of ascent when he was lifted by his team mates during the victory lap. Kohli was simple in his explanation – they were carrying a man who had carried the burden of the team for 21 years. And yes, Sachin did manage to get what he so badly wanted, the one thing that was missing from his cricketing resume – the World Cup.

This World Cup has been about the 15 players. It makes me shudder to think that Yuvraj had once entertained thoughts of quitting cricket, when he was going through that horrible phase in his career not too long ago. This World Cup has been about his fight back. You could sense the pain he has gone through when he let out the roar after thumping Australia, and the extended hug he gave Dhoni and Sachin post victory today. And people are saying there was no fairy tale ending in the finals.

This World Cup has been about Mahindra Singh Dhoni. The media has always found enough fodder to hang him; today he ensured that they shut up – at least for the next few days.

This World Cup has been India’s support staff led by Gary Kirsten, the unsung heroes. Spare a thought for Praveen Kumar too. He deserved to be there - at the podium - living what would undoubtedly have been the best moments of his life. May be his time will come later.

And last but not the least, this World Cup has been about us, the fans - the “undefined fans”, according to Sharad Pawar, who can safely be ignored while distributing tickets. We are the ones who sit in the same positions so that the momentum of the players who are thousands of miles away is not lost. We are the ones who delay nature’s call just so that any movement does not affect proceedings in any way. We are the ones who miss offices or schools to watch a match because we are lucky for the team. We are the ones who give up watching an important game so that we do not jinx the team. Yes, this is our World Cup.

And for the advocates of the theory that it was fixed - Yes, it was. It is called destiny.

The latest chapter of my trysts with World Cups has a happy ending. I wouldn't care less if the World comes to an end in 2012. For all the romantics, who have been coming up with pieces of trivia to link this victory with the one in 1983, here’s one from my side. If the World comes to an end in 2012, I (and many others who would be reading this) was a World Champion when I was born and will be a World Champion when I die.

I will end with a quote by the late Nobel Laureate Harold Pinter (Literature, 2005), “I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on earth – certainly greater than sex, although sex isn’t too bad either”.

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Mixed bag

This is just one of those times, when you don’t feel like sleeping and have nothing better to do, so start writing a blog, ignoring other things which are in your plate. By the way, I just made a startling discovery - the ‘secret’ behind writing a good CV is neatly hidden in its name. It’s Ctrl-C + Ctrl-V. Yay, I unearthed it before Dan Brown could write a book on it.

So the World Cup is less than a fortnight away and the buzz surrounding it is growing. And thanks TOI for bringing to us in your special segment, what the likes of Bipasha Basu, Deepika, Katrina and Kangana Ranaut think of our cricketers. You guys have really made my life complete. In the meantime, the number of possible contenders who could be holding the World Cup on April 2nd have halved (from 28 to 14) after Pakistan finally decided to name a captain. 30 26 22 18 year old Shahid Afridi will be at the helm of the Pakistan team. Also, in a style characteristic of only him, Sehwag tweeted this. If I were the opposition, I would be scared. Very scared. What a cameo already!

While all this is going on, 4 cricketers (Sachin, Yuvi, Bhajji and Nehra – the last 3 travelling to Mumbai especially for this) met with BCCI officials today to discuss their IPL payments. If all this is done, can the cricketers concentrate on the World Cup, please? Moving on to Egypt, I see lots of ‘virtual marches’ being organized on facebook and other social media sites. I am a bit cynical of its purpose. For starters, the people there will have no way of finding out what’s happening – they don’t even have internet. And if a million people on the streets cannot put pressure on the government, a few million more on the internet, who only heard Mubarak’s name a week ago, RSVPed to an event, won’t either. Anyways maybe it’s just me.

Shifting focus from Egypt (er.. almost), Sidharth got a kick-ass offer from ICICI. Well Sid, Mubarak Ho!!

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The family just got bigger

Ladies and gentlemen, he has finally arrived. Roshni Di and Shekher Jiju were blessed with a baby boy this morning, thus making me a proud ‘mamu’. It means having to part with the tag of being the youngest in the family. With a weight of 3.35 kgs, he is reportedly shorter than me (at the time of composing this blog post).

The family is facing a dilemma whether to follow the new Zodiac Signs or the old ones. The old one lists him as an Aquarian, whereas according to the new one, he is a Capricorn. If anyone knows whether the news of the earth wobbling is true or not, please get back so that we can decide whether he will be shy, sensitive, gentle and patient (Aquarian) or steady, cautious, confident and hard-working (Capricorn). [Info courtesy - Bejan Daruwala].

And please also suggest names for the kid starting with L, N or M. Leave them in the comments section. My suggestion of 'Jammie' as his pet name found no takers :(.

In other news, a mention of Daruwala reminds me that I just came from a trip to Goa - my last trip before the new generation would take over. It was my third trip to the place, and trust me it's definitely not going to be the last. Without getting into too much details, I’ll just say that the trip was legendary (despite some absentees). Had all the absentees made it, it would have become legend-wait-for-it-ary.

This much for now. Got my stuff to unpack and my cabinet to reshuffle. Happy weekend.

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